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have you ever felt....
Have you ever felt your nightmare becomes
true? Something that you never imagine before but it happens to you. It’s worst
to imagine it.. bad.. such a thought
terrifies you. No matter how hard you try to tell yourself this is just a dream
and when you wake up, it will be gone, then you realize……. It’s still happening.
It was night about 7.30 pm, my friends
came closer to me, they were Ulfah and Dian, as usual I said,
“Hai,
what’s down earth?” with smiled of course and they just stared at me a while,
they looked at me like “Ohh you are really pathetic”, feeling like that, I said
“What’s
wrong?”, after heard my question, they just looked at each other with long deep
breath and realized there must be something.
“Okay, now
you make me scary” *means really scary.
“Bad news
for you” they said that together in very slow voices
“Bad
news, what?” I didn’t know exactly, maybe they could hear my heart beat.
“You’re
being threatened” Ulfah said and Dian just stared at me, I didn’t know what was
that about.
“Threatened?
About what?”
“You’re
not.. ”
“Yeah?
I’m not?”
“You’re
not allowed to join P2k this year”
Please
underline the sentence, I call it nightmare.
I was
shock, but I tried not to show it to them, then I said “Really? Is that true? You’re
not joking around, right? hehe... okay, I give up, that was funny joke” looked
them quitest, then I realized, they were serious, I could see their face. But
once again, I tried not to show my feeling, and I just gave them a tough smile,
but little bit weird. It was just, I’m a simple person who hides a thousand
feelings behind the happiest smile.
I was not in the classroom that time, I
ran away from crowd, looked my friends had happy time in the class made me sad,
stared them at the distance and thinking “I’m alone” then the pictures of memory
pop up into my mind randomly about my PPL project, it is a time being a teacher
in school like 2 months for teaching and at the second months, we have to make
a report about what we’ve done in the classroom, yes that time, the report, the
damn report. It was all about that PPL report. I admit it that was my own
fault, I counterfeited my guide lecturer’s signature, all of the columns
signature, yes all of the columns. When I went to the classroom I met with
Ridho, “Hey Isal, you know, there is a news spread among students” he said and
I just gave a respon like really, “There are people who can’t join P2K this
year because they counterfeit signature of their guide lecturer” I heard him
with calm face and said easily “really? that’s good” (WTF, WHY DID I SAY THAT, THERE’S NO GOOD IN THERE)
The question is “why?, I was confuse to
answer it, why did I dare enough to do something like that? Then I found it in
loneliness, It was about, I was sick of waiting my guide lecturer. More like 4
days waited his signature, but it was not about the waiting, during the 4 days,
he delayed almost oath meeting or canceled it. The most annoyed moment when he
made a promise to meet me at 02.00 pm in front of his office about to sign my
PPL report, then I was waiting him like more 4 hours, until I realized, there
was no sign about him, then I decided to check him in his room, but I just
found his friend in there and his friend said that he was not here anyway and I
just said to his friend “That..is..cool, I’m here like 5 hours for waiting him”
if I had a A.K 47 at that time, I would bang everyone around me and shout
“YEAAAAH THIS IS AWESOME TIME”. Unfortunately I did that twice about waiting him.
I was my limit then I decided to
counterfeit my guide lecturer’s signature. 2 months passed and the bad news
comes to say hello to me, there is no way except admit it in front my damn
guide lecturer’s face like a horse “hiiiiiik”. I tried to be patient about whatever
the end, I would accept it like that is ok, then the time came to force me
enter the room of my guide lecturer, I walked heavily to him, closer, closer
and closer then finally sat in front of him.
“What?”
he said careless face
“Sir, I
don’t know which part I have to start but please” then I gave him a piece of
paper which I have written before about asking forgiveness and about the
counterfeit, he have to sign my paper, that was the only condition to fulfill
so I can join P2K this year.
“What is
this?” he asked me but I was just silent because too nervous then he continued
to read the letter “counterfeit? You counterfeit my signature, how dare you did
that!” heard that statement, I knew already he won’t sign my paper, okay and I
just went out his room with sad face, you know I went again in his room 1 hour
later but he keep avoided to sign my paper. The other way I really thanked to
him because he didn’t report about the counterfeit signature to police, I won’t
imagine it.
I’m not alone anyway, Allah SWT is always
with me, gave me other way in magic seasoning, almost I can’t believe it, Prodi
let me to join P2K after waiting several days with one condition I should never
try to counterfeit anything again, of course I won’t do that.
“NEVER GIVE UP. GREAT THINGS TAKE TIME”.